Friday, June 27, 2008

Mac's Mailbag 6/28/08

Ben Smith:

Which teams are underachieving right now? Which are overachieving?

I think the Kamikazees and the Queens have been the early disappointments of the year. As far as overachieving, I guess you could go with the banana democracy…who have one and competed in a few games in which they were outclassed.

Can Terry Hall step it up and get into the POTY mix as many pundits predicted?

I’m going to have to agree with Nate that he simply isn’t going to be on the level of the big three. I do however think he’s on the one team on which he doesn’t have to be on that level to make a splash in the postseason.

Katie Kelly:

What SBL team name do you think is the best of all time?

It would be really close between Bukkake Tsunami and Minoriteam. I know the Tsunami came from the overused “odd sexual phrase,” but I loved their shirts.

Who would win in an all girl SBL scrum?

The SBL guys…and in a less important way, Shelley Goodpastor.


Give me a team of possible All Star snubs that you could turn into world title contenders.

Sure. This is assuming a lot, but is possible: Myself, Shelley, Rando, Stud…and Opie coming off the bench.

Cassie “The Assassin” Pyle-Nespor:

What Dewey Decimal call number would you give for baseketball?

Well, the easy thing to day would be to classify it as: DVD FIC BAS, but that would be cheating. In non fiction and most closely related to basketball, it would definitely start with 796.323….but without my copy of DDC I cant really get into location codes and variants.


Which SBL diva should I ask out and why? Who should I avoid?

Wow man. You picked the wrong league for single guys. The more I think of it, I guess every single lady in the SBL has some attachment that could lead to you getting your ass kicked or banished from the SBL...Katie has Terry, Aryn has Nate, and if you tried anything with Shelley I’m pretty sure the gods of the left triple would strike you down on the spot. A kid named O’Mahoney once tried to get fresh with Katie Kelly and his body still hasn’t been found. I think your best bet is to ask Rob about his pierced tongue.


How do you feel about the penalty President Corbett gave KT Kelly last week?

I think I made it fairly clear that I wasn’t a fan. A game earlier, Rando threw shoes, socks, and dead babies on the floor and was allowed to continue in a game that was over the week before. Then the next game Katie gets put in the sin bin during the most important part of a big game for insulting the ref? If we’re passing out penalty innings for questioning the refs, I think there are far bigger culprits than Katie Kelly. While I still think Kip will make a fine president, that’s not change we can believe in.

What do you think of the return of Jared Clayton to Voltron and it’s possible effects on the rest of the season?

Wow, I really wish Voltron played the Laser Cats in week 7 instead of week 6. Give Clayton a week to get back into the swing of things with his new team, and you’ll forget who Terry Shernisky is. He was battling with Nate Tomko while Terry was in high school. But seriously, the thought of he and Billy together is scary.


Why didn’t you go on vacation with us this year?

Honestly I just cant afford it, and it fell on the wrong week. I just moved out of Chambersburg with the intent to find a new job in Western PA. Not a good time to be taking vacations with me having nothing to do but drink heavily.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Mac's Mailbag 06/18/2008

Where has Ben Smith been?

He hasn’t fallen off the face of the earth. In fact, he’s been making changes to the SBL page for me because linux and the SBL page just don’t get along. While I suspect that “car troubles” has been secret code for “my girlfriend doesn’t want to spend her weekend with a bunch of idiots who take a made-up game way too seriously,” Ben has told me that he plans to be a regular in the second half of the year. Now, if we could only get Jon to show up and drop that ridiculous average down a few points.

What does your Oatcake team have to do to knock off the undefeated laser cats?

Well, aside from my idea to give Nate a beer laced with ruffies, I think all of the following have to happen:

1) Shelley has to be there.
2) I have to get out of moving my friend from her apartment and be there
3) The Laser Cats have to get off to a slow start
4) Oatcake has to have two five run innings off the bat
5) Either Nate or Terry needs to have one of those 6 for 12 type games
6) We can’t miss double plays or fail to box out
7) Terry Hall has to play like Terry Hall can
8) We need to score over 25 runs

If all that stuff happens, we have a shot.

Aside from yourself, who is the best of the “good at baseketball but not at basketball” crowd?

Hey now. Basketball certainly wasn’t my sport in high school or ever, but I’ll have you know that Big Rando and I once carried the scrubby duo of Nate and Billy to a third place finish in one those YMCA 3 on 3 things. But I digress…

Hmmm, Jon O was the first to come to mind, but the more I think about it, he might be good at basketball. I think I’ll go with Kip Corbett. I’ve never seen him play, but I’m assuming it isn’t his thing.

A few weeks ago, Nate said that Terry Hall was looking more like Billy and less like one of the big three every game. Your thoughts?

Well, let me start off by saying that being compared to one of the five best players of all time is hardly a slap in the face. But, it is true that Nate, Terry, Clayton, and to a lesser degree, Frankovich, have shown a killer instinct and will to win that is hard to stop. It’s no fluke that teams with one transcendent star with a killer instinct have won every SBL title. Teams with balance like Oatcake may have no problem scoring 18 per game every time out, but what happens when they need to score 30? I guess what I’m trying to say is that I think it was a fair description. Personally, I hope he catches fire and torches the rest of the league.

Will the Laser Cats be considered the greatest team of all time at season’s end?

It’s certainly possible. While they are off to the best start, they certainly aren’t totally demolishing teams like other teams in the past have done. They could never have gotten off to these slow starts against teams like the Double Bluffs or the Thunder Studs. Add in the fact that those teams had to deal with the monetary systems of player point values and it only speaks to the fact that they have a way to go before being considered the best ever.

Which team has the best chance to upset the Cats?

I maintain that the Queens have the best chance. If Bryan, Stud and Aryn show up to play Nate, Terry, and company, they have the talent to match up. While it certainly is no secret that Bryan has a habit of vanishing when he plays Nate’s teams, isn’t he about due?

What do you think should be on the agenda for President-elect Corbett?

I think the era of Kippy will usher in a lot more technology usage. I fully expect there to be more videos taken and perhaps made into an end of the year type video. Some other ideas he’s thrown out there that would be great? An electronic scoreboard and a computerized stat system that will not only make keeping the book easier, but it will sync up to the website for up to the minute stats…which should allow Frankovich to know when to shoot that middle single to boost his average.

After two straight weeks of several players shooting homers strictly for stats, have things gotten out of hand?

Yeah, when Lee was on the path to 100, I thought it was a refreshing chang-up and a good storyline for a struggling funbridge team. When it happened again this past week, I really think the Kamikazies needed to focus more on winning both games that everyone shooting nothing but homers. Stats are one of the coolest things about the SBL, but sometimes the pursuit of these stats can take away from the game.

Which rookie has been the biggest addition this year?

While I’m partial to the kid who doesn’t wear shoes (Gillshire), I have to give it to Opie. He’s pretty awesome, and nobody could call him a ringer.

Who has been the MVP of the first half of the season?

I think you have to go with Nate and Terry as co-mvps right now…but the surprise behind them is Stud. I mean, we have to give him credit for at least a few of Bry Bry’s double plays right? If he plays more than six games in the second half of the season and the Queens surge….watch out.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

SBL Power Rankings 06/18/08

Now that I’ve been there a couple of weeks in a row, I guess I feel qualified enough to pump out a new edition of the SBL Power Rankings. If any of you assholes submit me some questions, I might even answer those in the next couple of days too.

1) Laser Cats

While I’m not quite ready to christen them the best team ever, it is impossible to deny that the Cats are head and shoulders above the other teams in the league this year. Though they have a habit of mailing in the first few innings, the Laser Cats can score in bunches when they have to, and news that Nate isn’t going to be missing time afterall isn’t good news for the rest of their league.

2) Oatcake Hate Monsters

The Hate Monsters certainly belong at number two on the list, but beating up on teams they should beat up on isn’t going to cut it the second half of the season. Getting Shelley back will help fill the gap, but they will need to find a way to win with Mac missing a couple of the next few weeks. We’ll know a lot more after their three games against the cats in the next four weeks.

3) Voltron

Losing to Kyoto last week certainly doesn’t inspire my confidence, and if more than one of the Queens had stuck around last Sunday, Voltron may have been in a different spot. Still, you can’t deny that all of the players on this team have moments that leave us awestruck. I just want to see more consistency on both sides of the ball before I make up my mind on this team.

4) The Queens

How does a team with Aryn Christman leading off, Bryan Frankovich in his prime, and Stud actually coming regularly play .500 baseketball. While I actually think this team has the best chance to hand the Laser Cats a loss this year, they shat the bed the first half of the year…and their problems go deeper than just poor attendance last week.

5) Bananna Democracy

They lost both games this past week, but they also played two of the league’s better teams. Big wins over good teams in the past few weeks give them the street cred to remain at 5.

6) The Fleshy Funbridges

God do I love watching the Funbridges…sadly, they just aren’t very good.

7) Kyoto Kamikazees

SBL superstar entering his prime and out of his lover’s shadow….check

Rookie ringer who seems to be made of more Shernisky than O’mahoney…check

Two SBL HOFers who contribute when they show…check

A Lackey…check

(In short, this team frustrates me.)

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Mac's Mailbag 06/04/08

Does the SBL need to mandate repairs on the hoop at KY court to prevent the insane banking?

I actually think there are far better hoops out there for bank shooting. I’m thinking this is just another way to bust on Frankovich, so I’ll say yes.

Your team struggled mightily last week, what do you guys have to improve on?

I said at the beginning of the year that Terry Hall needed to be the player we all know he is capable of becoming. I could go into a much longer answer, but I think Nate’s power ranking the other pretty much hit all the points, especially the part about the killer instinct. This team has the table setters, but needs someone to be the man. Having me back on defense probably wont hurt much either.

Can Shelley Goodpastor rebound from a disappointing week?

It’s not often Shelley Goodpastor messages me that she can’t shoot anymore. It might have been worse than the time I heard they were canceling Walker, Texas Ranger. Luckily, I was reassured when I read the writeups. Sooner or later, Shelley was bound to have a game in which she didn’t shoot above .500. Since when did 11/22 shots become a bad week? I won’t be taking my Goodpastor poster off the wall just yet.

Now that the league has been banished from Ass Clown, which arena should become the new “Mecca”?

I’ve long been a fan of Hoffe Centre. It has the room, the decent hoop, and SBL sympathetic parents.

Can we expect to see you attending every week from here on out?

A lot of that will depend on my job search. I know that I’ll be missing the weekend of June 21st, but other than that my summer is largely up in the air.

Rumor has it that Billy Weisburg has spurned your advances to be his roommate, is this true?

Billy has assured me that we can still cuddle. As I told him a couple weeks ago, I certainly can’t blame him for wanting to live on his own. After putting up with drunk people passing out/throwing up in his room for several years, the jewish one deserves a homeland to himself if he so chooses. Besides, I still have Kip.

What is one change you think should/will be made in the SBL?

I think Ben Smith needs to get on this SBL 2.0 webpage he’s been talking about for several years.

Who is the most underrated player in the SBL?

Mike Moroco. His poor average this year not withstanding, Mikey seems to be the best player in the league that nobdy ever talks about. Honestly he’s probably in the top 7 players in the league, yet very few people are aware of it.

I know you are really interested in the political scene. Compare the SBL presidential situation to the current political scene.

I’m not sure if the situation will Nate and Kip has blown over after week two, but I really can’t find any comparisons to local politics. The nearest thing I can think of would be the Russian political scene. Putin may not be President anymore, but he is directly responsible for installing Demitri Medvadev and is still the most powerful man in the country. Can you see Nate Tomko giving up all control of the SBL? Would anyone less driven be able to sustain the league? I say no on both counts.

Can anyone stop the Laser Cats this year/should we pick teams differently in the future?

When Nate and Terry are both there, I don’t think any team can beat them. That said, I really don’t think it was meant to be this crazy. I think Nate wanted to be on a competitive team and also add the interest of the league’s two best players having to co-exist. It seems that nobody told Bob and the rest of the other Cats that they were supposed to be somewhere between scrubby and decent to keep things even. Nate and Terry were always going to be good, but it’s been the emergence of Spohn that has really made them go up to an elite level. I’m not ready to blame the league office, especially seeing as how close the teams have been in the past.

What’s been the story of the SBL season thus far?

I think the story is that the league is still thriving after all these years. When I tell people elsewhere about the SBL and show them the webpage, I love their reaction. All of them think it borders on crazy, and half of them think it’s awesome.